This is not a rant about men. It’s not even a rant about men who rant about women. It’s a rant about one particular blog post, and I don’t really plan to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax draw any generalizations about either gender from it. In fact, in general I admire and buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax respect the work of the author of the particular post I’m on about. Except in this case, where I just flat-out can’t admire it, let alone agree with it. You guessed it: I’m leaping into the fray that has followed Clay Shirky’s recent post, A rant about women.
Many, many other commentaries precede mine; apart from the 400+ comments on that buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax post itself, a host of other bloggers have responded. To name but a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax few, danah boyd’s response promotes diversity — learning to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax accept, value, and seek out people who think and act differently from buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax you — over assimilation; Meredith Farkas’ post makes the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax point that if one has to be a jerk to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax get ahead, maybe the system’s borked; while Tom Coates cytotec buy online argues very eloquently that buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax we, as a society, should not encourage lying, arrogance, or aggression. There are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax many more, some of which agree with Mr. Shirky’s views and some of which don’t, gently or otherwise.
Mr. Shirky’s post makes me mad. It’s patronizing. I don’t need to act more like him to get what I want. I’ve worked for buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax people, both men and women, who were perfectly able and willing to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax see my talents because they were good at seeing talent. I’ve also worked for people who weren’t, and I found that they generally didn’t appreciate the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax talents of my male colleagues, either, even the loud ones. I’m certainly not saying that discrimination doesn’t happen or buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax that there are no cases where only the squeaky wheel gets greased, because I’ve been in those situations too. But I wouldn’t be comfortable saying I am good at something I’m not good at in order to get a job that I wouldn’t know how to do. I’d hate it. I don’t want to be there. I have no problem saying “… not good at yet” or “I haven’t done that, but I’ve looked into it and I can learn how,” because those things are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax true. On the other hand, I know women who would lie about their abilities in a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax heartbeat to get a job they wanted, and who would thrive in jobs where buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax they had to learn it all on the fly; likewise, I know men who buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax wouldn’t, and men who would. Looking at the world and saying “You’re not like me and you’re a woman, and he is like me and he’s a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax man, therefore women have a problem and should act more like men” is buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax a narrow, binary view, and frankly I expected better. Actions are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax based on more than just gender, and there are many ways to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax be happy and successful.
There are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax some particular statements in the post that especially irritate and offend. For instance, Mr. Shirky says, in reference to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax a draft letter of recommendation written by a male student in which the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax student overstated his own abilities: “And I’ve grown increasingly worried that buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax most of the women in the department, past or present, simply couldn’t write a letter like that.”
I’m sorry. Couldn’t? As in, we don’t have access to the same language, or our writing skills aren’t up to the task? Nope, I don’t buy it. “Couldn’t” and “wouldn’t” are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax not the same thing. Mr. Shirky describes an inability, a gender-based inability, for buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax a woman to extravagantly toot her own horn. Granted, women have buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax historically been taught not to do that, both explicitly and subtly, but it buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax doesn’t mean we can’t do it. If you buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax want to take issue with the cultural setting that teaches us not to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax boast, please do. You’d be in good company, and it’s a very strong influencer. But women certainly can speak well of themselves, and buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax many do, and not everyone has to be an asshole to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax make herself sound good. In fact, the woman colleague that Mr. Shirky describes who buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax sent her work to a reporter doesn’t appear to have done anything like what I’d call the behavior of a “self-aggrandizing jerk.” She just pointed to her work and said, “Hey, I’m good at what I do and this is interesting stuff.” There’s nothing inherently male about that.
Mr. Shirky also says that “…until women have buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax role models who are willing to risk incarceration to get ahead, they’ll miss out on channelling smaller amounts of self-promoting con artistry to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax get what they want, and if they can’t do that, they’ll get less of what they want than they want.” That’s a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax little like saying I get less food at dinner because I eat with a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax fork instead of shoving food into my mouth with both hands. It may be buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax true, but I don’t really want to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax eat that way, or sit with people who do. The fork-users are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax more pleasant company and it’s easier to carry on a conversation with them. I just don’t see myself choosing my role models from buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax liars, jerks, and prison inmates. It’s possible to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax be outspoken and confident and still not be abrasive. Although, as danah boyd points out, it’s more difficult for buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax women to do that than for men because we are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax surrounded by a culture that teaches all of us — women and men — that an outspoken woman is automatically abrasive.
If I look beyond the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax patronizing tone of the post, I can see that there is buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax a premise there that I can identify with. It is buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax difficult for me to speak out, especially to disagree with someone like Clay Shirky. As I am buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax drafting this post, reasons not to publish it keep occurring to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax me: I didn’t see the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax original post soon enough, and now everyone has already weighed in. Who cares what buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax I have to say — this is all just my own opinion, not research, and I’m not a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax famous author or even a well-known blogger. And all the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax points that I might make have already been made, somewhere. I don’t know where these thoughts come from; I don’t lack self-confidence in general. Maybe they are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax gender-related, though I suspect I know more than a few men who buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax think those same things, or who did when they first started to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax blog. Maybe it goes away with practice.
But really, everyone hasn’t weighed in, if I feel I have something to say and I haven’t yet said it. As for “who cares what I have to say,” the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax answer to that arises almost as soon as I voice the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax question: I do. This is my blog, for me. If you buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax are still reading this post, thanks for the investment of your buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax time, but I didn’t write it buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax for you. And even if someone else has already made the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax points I want to make, there’s still room on the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax vast, giant thing that is the Internet to store a more few bytes of data. Is it buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax hard to post this? Yes, sure it’s hard. Is it risky? Sure. I’m openly and buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax publicly disagreeing with a well-known writer and speaker. And OH MY GOD, I just realized don’t have ANY BALLS! What can I be thinking?
But having these thoughts doesn’t put me at a buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax disadvantage, as long as I still hit that publish button and buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax get my voice out there. And I don’t have to behave like a jerk to say what I want to say. I’m not going to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax act more like the men Mr. Shirky describes. I’m not going to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax choose them for my role models; nor am I going to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax seek out female role models who emulate them. Instead, I choose to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax focus my efforts on developing my own voice, in my own way. It’s entirely possible to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax be both courteous and self-promoting, to both be truthful and toot your buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax own horn. I’m going to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax support practices that move us closer to a model of the buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax workplace where it’s expected that people aren’t jerks and don’t lie about what buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax they can do. Where people in power actually look at people’s work and don’t just listen to the loudest voice.
Actually, many of my role models did go to buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax jail, but not for being con artists. Thousands of women have buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax been arrested, and in some parts of the world are buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax still arrested, for trying to change the way society views and buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax treats us. Fortunately, in this day and age, we can buy cheapest Flomax and Flomax blog instead.
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